The road to self discovery can be SELFISH


Journey to self discovery tends to be a selfish journey. To discover self is to put self first in every decision. It means to discover what self loves and what self hates. It can lead to consistently doing more of the things self prefers and less of the things that cause self distaste.

Putting self at the centre of every decision de-emphasises sacrifice. Fortunately some of the best things in life have become available to all to enjoy because some people have put themselves second-sacrificed. Freedom was fought for all because some people sacrificed even their lives for the sake of the fold.

Sometimes these sacrifices endangered their loved ones. They did not let even this fact put them off because the good of everyone else was their focus.

Two lovers can never fully experience the fullness of their love if there is no sacrifice of self. Each person surrenders him/herself to the other for the good of both. They learn what the other likes or hates. These may not necessarily reflect their individual preferences. However, if their love is to transcend time, they will both have to keep sacrificing from time to time.

The advantage of expressing love in this way is that if each person is sacrificing, each person will invariably be receiving. Similarly, if each person is receiving it means that each person is being loved perfectly. Sacrifice is the true ingredient that helps love thrive because it entails tolerance and accommodation of each others’ flaws.

A journey of self discovery can prove dangerous because it may compromise love- true love. Even the love of God for man entailed sacrifice. This sacrifice was the final proof of his love for man. It was the last straw that expressed his intentions for man after man’s fall from grace. Sin was man’s choice. Death was the consequence; a deserving consequence of man’s actions. God did not need to set up the sacrifice of his son to save mankind but he did. As the perfect example of love, he did not let this fact stop him.

How can one claim to truly love another if there is no sacrifice involved? By focusing solely on oneself…in the name of self discovery, a wall is built to protect and preserve self. Unless this wall is erected around oneself, self remains unselfish, kind, truly loving… penetrable. Once self is penetrated, then that self can be changed-compromised…Compromise entails sacrifice. Sacrifice brings back love into the picture.

When what I want takes centre stage, then what you need becomes secondary. Everyday lived in love…with loveshowing loveexpressing love… needs to involve a constant sacrifice of self. We can never fully love, if love is not blind. Love has to be blind… to faultsto flawsto inadequacies… to be perfect.

Love passes through pain in order to forge the unique bond to be treasured by the hearts beating together as one.

To let go of this bond…is to let go of love.

To let go of love…is to give in to self.

We can never truly express ourselves fully in reality. To do that will be totally selfish and possibly lead to imposing ourselves on others.

Total selfishness only leads to chaos.

Freedom of expression is almost always a farce. There will always be limits placed on our freedom of expression by civil society to protect rights of people and society.

To express every whim we desire for ourselves may trample on other people’s rights.

To trample is to encroach on their own right to an existence.

For the sake of peace, even the most selfish will have to imbibe an element of restraint. Whether they want to or not. To adopt this restrain will entail a sacrifice by another person or cause in a live and let live kind of way. We make allowances for others no matter how little. To ignore this restraint and withdrawal from trampling on the rights of others for our selfish reasons will be to incur the wrath of the law in some cases.

Next time we decide to build walls around ourselves in order to stamp ourselves on the rest of humanity, let us realise that we are putting off another light of love in this world.

What right have we really got to demand selfishness if we ever expect any consideration to be made to accommodate us in anyway. When self rises, dominance is born. Meanwhile, dominance can only work because another person accepts the will of a selfish person. This can be for many reasons- love, fear, peace, bullying etc. What a selfish person fails to realise is that another person  sacrifices their desire “not to be dominated” in order to accommodate them.

So remember as you rediscover yourself and put yourself at the centre of every decision you make that you may be trampling on someone else to make that dream come true for yourself…

Thanks for reading.

You can also check out other articles in this series

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