Hospital life: “The Ugly droppings” – A loo-ey talk about how to deal with the uglies while in hospital


Eurghhhhh, a delicate subject eh? (covering my nose). Well, if we want to be honest with each other, some of the most important subjects are quite “delicate”. This one is as delicate as it is a bit disgusting. I laugh because; it is a necessary evil that we must go through at least fairly regularly.

Have you ever wondered about this subject and how to deal with the ugly droppings when you are not in the comfort of your home? As some of you know, there are many of us who are stuck outside home for reasons beyond our control and have been for a while.

For some people, like even my mum, they are so blessed. Their droppings are angelic, not even as little as a whiff of unpleasantness in that department. But if you are like me (bless your heart), it can be a very embarrassing and scarring experience (for the innocent people waiting to use the loo afterwards).

When it’s a family loo, there will be really no qualms. The rest of the brood have to be brave and carry the cross of having me as a relative. However, when you come out of a public hospital ward toilet and someone is waiting just by the door for their turn that will be an entirely different matter requiring a redemption plan. If that person resides in the ward where you are, you will agree that there are better things to be remembered by.

It is kind of inevitable really that poos (politely called ugly droppings going forward) tend to become smelly when you are away from home. I think the fact that you lose a bit of control over what you eat is the main reason. To a very large extent, the quality, quantity and texture of the droppings you produce depends a whole lot on what you eat. Suddenly you find that the desirable meals that you (or better still your gut) is used to become scarce and in some cases unavailable. Instead, the junk and odd looking tasties you can find (to stuff down you for survival) each day although less desirable become more available. They create somewhat inevitable mixes that become the bulk of the waste you will have come drop-time.

Another reason for ugly droppings is that it being outside home makes it more difficult to stay hydrated. Water is the main ingredient that can help to keep things moving gut-wise.  When you are in that toilet away from home, you not only want to keep things moving, but to keep things moving freely. I can tell you for free that the more the traffic jam you experience while delivering the ugly droppings, the worse the stench you create in that room. So more water at least 2-3 litres daily will go a long way.

One major setback for parents about being in the hospital is that in the hospital environment, staying hydrated is often the last thing on one’s mind. The fact that water may not be readily available makes it increasingly put off. The questions that may choke away the thought of drinking water for a parent may surround how to access water. Like “should I buy water?”, or “Is there  a water dispenser on the ward?”. Where one exists, the next question becomes, “where is it.” After that, parents also begin to worry about when they will find the time to leave their child’s side to travel to a tap to just get water to drink? As ridiculous as it may sound to someone else, water drinking is the least of our problems when our children are poorly. It feels like such a trip when you have better things bothering you during that stressful time.

I find filling up bottles of water by my son’s bedside to be my perfect solution to the water problem. I either bring a water bottle in or refill juice bottles, old fizzy drink bottles. I make sure I refill each morning and the presence of those bottles is a constant reminder to me about the need for adequate hydration. You can try this too.

Another good way to keep things moving the ugly droppings department is to keep your fruits, vegetables and fibre intake reasonably steady. We all know how that 5 fruits a day help our bowel movement. Try adding a bag of apples, strawberries, grapes etc whatever you like into your shopping trolley every time you pop out for some supplies when you are in hospital.

You need to try to rest a lot too when in hospital. It is a stressful time being there so it makes sense to take care of yourself too. Rest well, so you can feel optimally ready to care for your child. Stress can also contribute to clogging up your system during drop-time. Stress can trigger haemorrhoids. So a down time every now and again will be good to keep the stress levels down.

Now that things are moving and you are not constipated, the next thing is the smell. How do you get rid of it? Don’t get me wrong, having ugly droppings is not a disease, it is quite normal for them to smell. It’s all it contains that causes it. I find egg and milk to be my main culprits. I personally have tried all ways to get rid of the smell from flushing the toilet with each droplet of  poo to choosing the time of day to ease myself. I have tried first thing in the morning and last thing at night just to escape the smell and reduce the risk of being caught escaping my own dung! I worry about other parents who will be nasally scarred forever. What I have found most effective is the one method that stares us all in the face.

Using a bottle of air freshener after wards!

Hahahahaha…. I know it sounds ridiculous but believe me, this has improved the quality of my hospital life. Now, I don’t have to worry about what I eat, or when I go to the loo because, I leave it all perfumed afterwards. I spray a generous amount to redeem my image each time. In fact it has been a life saver. You carry the air freshener even when I go for “number one” to distract people from really realising the main business you are going for in the loo. Some might worry that the can of air freshener is too conspicuous. By carrying it always, its main use can keep being discrete.

Also to be fair, the shame will still be yours after a simple number one if the previous user was the one actually responsible for stinking up the loo. There will be no time to redeem your image if you are caught leaving the loo afterwards.  So you can appreciate why interest of being your brother’s keeper and even discretion the can of air freshener can save you.

It makes me laugh every time because when I started off in life, this was never one of the things I ever thought I will have to worry about! Well, that’s life for you… full of surprises. So I will say just stay hydrated, eat fruits, vegetables and fibre to keep your bowel happy and then grab my latest companion – an air freshener to keep everyone else happy. It’s win-win all the way! ….

Thanks for reading. I know it’s all weird but wherever you are, I hope you had a laugh like I do each time I spray some in the loo.

Thanks for reading.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

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