I have the best iPhone in the country. I call it the best because it has stood the test of time in my books. It went through the Olympics, Queen’s diamond jubilee, Royal wedding, general election, Obama’s re-election and most recently the Brexit!
I do not really see the need to replace it because I have formed a kind of bond with this chic. Yes Chic is the name I call my iPhone because she is one of a kind. For the roles she plays in my life, I am certain that if it were human it would be a woman– tough as old boots and as tough as they come! Apart from the societal milestones we have marked together, my two successful pregnancies were captured using that device. I forgot to mention that it holds tons of memories filled with photos and videos to show for all our time together.
At one point, our time together kept being interrupted by messages that said “you are out of memory”. It became so clichéd. I kept being told to delete some information to create more space. At no point did I consider erasing any memory. Instead, I expanded her storage capacity in order to give us more space to forge and store new memories. I do not mind that I may have overdone it, being a bonafide–tech-know–not that I am as I have bought every extra space on the cloud to keep us soaring. My husband cannot hide his jealousy because he keeps going on about how useless all that attention I give my phone is.
Well, I don’t care as long as it enables her deliver on every promise she made me from the start when this love story began. She allows me carry my world in the palm my hands at all times. In my books, nothing else can beat that! She has ensured that every memory is never forgotten and always a fingertip away.
My Chic is as lovely to behold as she was from the start. Her body still looks crisp and new. I invested a lot in her outer covering when we were first brought together… after all every lady needs her adornments. I religiously ensured that her home was in the faithful “case”. This phone has been through different regimes because I installed update after update until she became up to date with this day and age. All in all, it delivers on its promise of fantastic iPhoneism.
In all honesty, we have also endured a rather bittersweet relationship at times. This has been mostly at the hands of my temperament, kids or moods. As for the kids, she has endured a fair share of disrespect but has forgiven all for my sake. It has been used as a teething tool, a toy, a hammer and most recently a pacifier.
We recently formed a parenting partnership and honestly, she seems to have the knack for it better than I ever will especially during difficult times. It possesses excellent and enviable skills due to the endless array of apps she has acquired overtime. My son learnt to read his first words with her help. He learnt his writing and has consistently become better in these areas through the different activities she enables him engage in. She is the only one that can keep him quiet when he starts screaming for attention at the wrong time especially when we are outside the house.
Unlike me, this Chic has kept an open mind as regards envy and jealousy. She was not bothered by the adoption of new devices and gadgets into our home. iPhone6, iPad, camera, Satnav and the rest of the brood of gadgets do not even bother her because she knows that they do not have it in them to endure the type of shocks she can. So time and time again Chic has shown her superiority and always beckons due to her strength and toughness.
Well, as I look through the time I have spent with this Chic of an iPhone, it is with grief that I am allowing myself confront the prospect of a life without her. Right now I am enveloped in a cloud of sadness and disbelief as I accept that perhaps everyone is right. She may be truly on her last days…I cannot imagine the prospect of life without her.
I am sitting here with her on my lap and sadly she has been unresponsive to every tap, press and even whisper. Save for smacking her (which I never do to anyone except myself during a mosquito outbreak at home in Africa). She is here staring back at me with a blank expression.
My husband gave me a warning in the past about backing up all the memories I have stored and shared with this Chic and thankfully I have secretly adhered. I kept my compliance very close to my chest for fear of tempting fate. I love my phone. I will never replace her while she still lives. I take all my vows very seriously especially when I use the three magic words “ I love you” on a creature– living or not grrr!
I am instead promising to make adjustments to accommodate her frailty because I am certainly not letting go; at least not without a fight! My plan A is to buy other equipment to support her for the rest of her life. Like a camera, camcorder, GPS, laptop. Paper map, Walkman… o dear (gasping)… the list is getting endless… and just put her to her traditional use-making and receiving calls…Surely this should add a few months or even years to her age.
I shall possibly acquire a backpack to carry all my newly acquired auxiliary equipment. I suspect that the weight of the equipment will keep me quite sedentary and hey listen to this! She might become jealous because we will spend less time together with my attention split between all those gadgets. Therefore for now since I don’t want to get her jealous of all these equipment, I shall switch to a new plan that just hatched- Plan B!!! Do you know what it is? Powerbank! …Umhummmm shaking my head and blowing raspberries. I hear it solves all things. I shall try this plan B to enable me spend as much time with her as possible.
So while I reel over the prospect of letting go as I always do (I am known to handle goodbyes very badly to be honest), tell me have you formed any such close relationships with other in-animates?
Photo credit: Pixabay