I spent my day in silence.
It was not even a planned silence. My boys went out of the house and suddenly, I did not turn on the TV or radio. I just enjoyed listening to the clock tick and the fridge making its own continuous noise on the side- the joys of open plan living. I have always hated clocks because of their constant ticking but today it did not seem to matter. I really needed the silence to help me organise myself. It had been a long year for me. I re-started higher education nearly a year ago. I made the decision to retrain as a nurse and it had been so hectic and demanding that I had absolutely no time to think or grieve….
Well, here I was on a day off work simply because my bag had been stolen the day before.
It’s unbelievable how traumatising the experience was for me. I spent the day in a secure setting and left my bag on the side in a CCTV secure room. By the time I returned, the bag was not there. The speed with which it was whisked meant that I initially thought that it was a joke. Honestly. However, a few minutes into the search, I realised that it was not a joke. The bag was simply…gone!
I had a lot in that baag. My keys… like all my keys. My lucky pen and my late son’s squidgy.
I took it from his side when he died and had carried it on my person ever since. Even if I could replace everything I lost with the bag, how on earth will I replicate the sentimental value that toy held to me. He had been inseparable from the little squidgy. It has his squidgy. The one he had actually played with. In my mind, it had remnants and traces of his personality on it. the scrapes, marks and dents on the toy were somehow his stamps on the toy.
The hardest part for me after realising that my bag had been stolen was telling everyone. I knew that I was about to open up a minefield of unsolicited opinions. Which I detest by the way…just in case you were wondering.
Are you sure you left it there?
I did not lose my mind alongside the bag. I definitely left the bag there. But I kept those thoughts in my mind. After all I needed their help to find the bag.
Why did you leave it there?
Seriously, if we could all explain the reasons why we did the things we did we would be better people.
Who leaves a bag in a place like that?
Well me! You would have done the same too. Seriously, asking a question in my absence is just not on! What if I did not walk in on that conversation?
Poor me…I felt at the mercy of everyone. I was on the receiving end.
Oh and I forgot to mention how many times I had to recount the ordeal. It just felt like yanking off the plaster every time I retold my tale of woes. I could see in their eyes that they were saying I was dumb.
Well maybe I was but is that why my bag should be lost….or better still stolen?
Thank you for reading.
Photo Credit: Pixabay
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