To whom much is given, much is expected!
I have now been officially given the chance to fight for my Licence. I feel like the final countdown has begun. But the expectation is massive. I feel inundated with tasks. The game has been raised but I am still the same. So how on earth can I cope?
In my head, I am officially undertaking “The climb” and trust me it feels scary.
Recently, my OH impressed something important in my life. It was like a gift…his words to me.
“You have to trust yourself”he began, “If you are in doubt of your abilities my child, then look at your history, within it lies your track record. You have always in the past felt numbed by challenges. But they never stopped you. In fact you always proved that the hottest part of the day brought out the adder. You have never really thrived without stress. It is like the pumping adrenaline has always propelled you. You have thought way more clearly under pressure than you ever have in calm situations. But my child, you have always started with what I see as stage fright. You were built for this challenge. Your whole decision to train for this licence has led to this year- this final countdown and road to success. I trust you my darling. You have never failed before and I know you will not start now. Just look inside of you for that strength”.
As he finished what sounded like a knight’s battle speech (a bit like something Archilles would have told the soldiers in troy),I sighed. All I could think of was ‘Psyching! babe don’t let these sweet words deceive you o!. Year 3 is not a joke o. Look at all the tasks and hurdles that lie ahead.I almost began to cry. I am coming to this man for support and he is here telling me all this.
Support…the word rang out like a keyword in my head. Support…
Isn’t that what he was doing? What was I even expecting him to say? Confirm my fears and then give me permission to quit, hang my boot and run? These feelings were like fight, flight or freeze response. I had encountered what my brain perceived as danger and I was in panic mode.
Girl, that is quite normal…
The worst thing to do right now would be to brush my feelings under the carpet. Talking about them was a good way of confronting them head on. There are hardly any confrontational experiences that are exciting. Self-confrontation was no exception. If anything, they were worse because one could not escape oneself.
I have got this…
I said to myself, reciting it endlessly like a mantra.
It is the climb….my climb.
No one climbs a mountain with one step from bottom to top. It is inconceivable to approach a mountain climb that way. It would make it impossible. That is exactly what I felt like I was erroneously doing.
But look at all the tasks that lie ahead…
Making my license aspiration about all the tasks that lay ahead was like focussing on the summit and looking only at all the height above, then contemplating climbing that height in one step.
Mountains are climbed with many steps…
Many strategic steps.
So first, we look at the whole mountain- the task
Next, we work out a strategy- A plan. Within that plan, we tactfully break the whole process down into manageable steps that our feet can carry us through. We then accept that although it would not always be easy that would not make the process impossible.
In addition, we have to build in rests into our plan, to enable us rejuvenate ourselves when we are weak. We also need play, to keep us motivated. Lifelines will be good for times when we are struggling as well as being prepared to stay safe because we do not know what lies ahead. Finally, we ensure that our eyes are focussed on the top and avoid any distractions that may derail us from the summit.
Thinking about things this way, I immediately began to feel less anxious. It made sense.
This final road might be plied with herculean tasks but that does not make it an impossible road to travel….
I needed to get a calendar and spread out those tasks into steps with timelines to give me visual cues. The cues would serve as a map, a guide through my year. I was equal to this task. The university would not set me the challenge if they felt I was incapable.
Sometimes when we are in doubt of ourselves, we look outwards to find cues that help rekindle our self believe….
If my OH, my family and friends and even the university thought that I could do this, they could not all be wrong.
I would need to be extremely disciplined to keep myself on track.
One right step at a time and I would get there. By the grace of God like OH said, I had done similar stressful things before so I would do it again. He was not deceiving me with those words. The evidence lay buried deep within my history and I was about to add to that history.
So do you know what? Bring it on…Here I come…I am all fired up!
Not really!!!! Hahahah…
The good news though, is that I am more positive than I was at the start of this write up. That is a good thing.
So yeah, have you ever been in this position with anything in your life? Tell me what got you through it? How did you cope? I can think of very many ways to cope if I was not so anxious. Thankfully, I have you all for support. Please let me know some of your strategies.
Thank you for reading