Nursing Diaries: Losing a piece of work


Loosing an article that I have written is a bit like losing a piece of me….

 

I pour myself into each article that I write. I don’t even know why I write sometimes. It is just an extension of my personality that I feel fortunate to possess the ability to express.

 

Sometimes I wish that all I did with my life was – write. I could do that you see, but maybe I haven’t yet figured out how to make it worthwhile.

 

Words have form and shape to me whether they are said out loud or written. That’s why I can’t stand it when people swear.

 

It’s not just about being polite but I literally see blood being splattered every time people prefix their statements with … bloody.

 

The worst is the F word.

 

I work around with images of coitus as the person speaks and vomits it within every statement. It’s hard to explain how upsetting it is to condone the psychological images people build into simple conversations.

 

So back to the article I lost which I was telling you about…..

 

So I said I love writing, remember?

 

Well, I can never really understand it when someone tells me that they are unable to write. I guess it is the same way that I can write that they can’t write. In my head, I just feel that if you can have an opinion and possess cognitive ability, then you should be able to write.

 

Right?

 

I guess I am wrong though because it may not be so easy.  Let’s use my husband as a case study. He never likes talking or over exerting himself.

 

A sort of cool dude.

 

So one day I asked him why he had constantly refused to come out of his shell.

 

Well, there is no shell to come out of”,he said.

 

“How can you climb out of a shell if you yourself are the shell? Imagine if I asked you to be quiet and sit still how will you feel?”

 

“No way!”I screamed. “That’s impossible”.

 

“Aha!, do you see how you feel right this minute that you contemplated my “sit still” request?”,he asked

 

“Yes”,I said

 

“That’s exactly how I feel when you ask me to be as vibrant as you are”.

 

Hmmm…

 

That gave me some perspective. I have stopped asking that of him or anyone for that matter.

People must all be allowed to exist and express themselves in the way that suits them.

 

So….Yes!

 

I digressed again as I always do.

 

I was telling you about how I wrote a juicy article this afternoon and somehow lost it. Well, that reminded me about when I lost another article in the past.

 

It was my portfolio assigment at university.

 

Oh that one was horrible.

 

I was set an assignment with 3 sets of tasks.

 

One was a 2500 word essay, a 15minute narrated powerpoint and another 2500 essay with appraisal forms.

 

I toiled to produce that portfolio.

 

I also decided in my very finite wisdom not to write any draft in a book first but to type it straight into my laptop. That was me finally succumbing to pressure. Everyone seemed to laugh at my out dated style of always writing in books before typing up my work.

 

I wanted to save time and it did feel good to type the work directly. Sadly, as my luck turned out, on the day I decided to save the final copy of the essay, I made a booboo.

 

Listen to this…

 

Instead of control C (Copy), I pressed control A (Select all), hit the back space (Delete) and clicked on control S (save). Then in splits of seconds, 2 months of toil vanished.

 

Seriously, who does that?

 

I had not even saved any other copy elsewhere.

 

Oh…

 

I even had a draft in my flash drive but guess what? I could not find it!

 

The submission date was 2 weeks away.  I also had an anatomy and physiology exam tucked in between the submission date and me. It was such a horrible time.

 

I went to the lake and cried.  I spent the next 2 days crying. I felt so exhausted. Where was I going to start? I had even lost my reference list because it was all in the same document. After the 2 days of crying, I managed to shrink the submission date by 2 days.

 

Next morning, while brushing my teeth, I looked in the mirror at my red eyes and thought

 

….hey girl, you can’t just fail!

 

That was how I summoned the courage, plucked the strength and started all over again.

 

To this day, I feel that the new essay I produced was better than the first one. I learnt so much about myself doing that portfolio.

 

I learnt that I was resilient, a fighter and that I could not just accept defeat. I became very creative and my speed was super.

 

Who needs an easy life when we can use pressure and stress as free fuel eh?

 

Last minute essays are bad for you especially if you have not previously done any reading. But you knew that already didn’t you?

 

So although that ended well…

 

Let’s come back again to the juicy article I wrote this afternoon and managed to lose

 

That’s a different matter. An essay is academic and can have a happy ending when it is lost. But can an article enjoy the same fate?

 

An article is metalking without moving my lips.

 

Reporting what has happened or what I am thinking via a piece of paper/ media- whichever way you want to describe it. It’s very hard to get the second take of the article to be as emotive as the first one …I think.

I have lost a piece of me.  It’s sad because, somehow, it triggers my sense of grief. It makes me feel unlucky. But remembering triumphs like my essay makes me feel hopeful and reassured that I can do it again.

 

I shall try someday to have another go at rewriting that lost article. But it’s still so annoying. That’s why I will always say one thing,

 

…nothing beats writing on paper.

 

All this technology we enjoy still comes with its own risks.

 

Thanks for reading

 

Photo Credit: Pixabay

 

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