Why are you always so secretive?


Do you keep getting asked this question? You see, this may be the opinion and vibe you get from some quarters.  You may have always brushed this off as silly talk. Today however, we will do something different. You can engage in an out of body experience like I do sometimes. I like to call it that because it’s a state that can make you feel numb. You replay all the events in your life regarding a particular issue and sit on the side-lines watching as a spectator would. Next you review your actions and imagine it was being done to you. You ignore the reality that you were the one who was the actual actor in the movie that is your life. After that, you zoom on the issue and look closely at it again to see if you will come to the same conclusion that others have reached about you.

Well, that was just to give you an illustration about the out of body experience I was particularly referring to as we all know there are different types. This one is not the witchcraft type (ha! It’s always best in my books to clarify things for the avoidance of doubt). Looking at the issue closely, I think technically some of us can really be secretive.  However, it is not for the reasons we are accused of especially when the secrecy in question to has to do with keeping quiet about achieving a mile stone, completing a task, organising an event… you know, those sorts of secrets. You see when there is a task to complete; I believe more in getting on with it than talking about it. After all action they say speaks louder than words.

I have found that talking about a plan saps all the strength needed to carry it out. It seems a bit easier to just act things out. For instance if I want to redecorate my living room, I will just get busy with the project. The reason is simple, like everyone else; I am too keen to see the finished work to be wasting any second deliberating or conferring.

I want to see how it will look for starters. I am always very keen from the start to remove any pressure that will be imposed on me as a result of creating expectation in people. The more ears hear, the more eyes will analyse my work and ultimately the more pressure I will feel. I am no expert in life but the best things do not start off being perfect. They go through many stages in the refining process. It’s like an artist or writer not exhibiting their work until they have totally finished creating the masterpiece.

You do need various kind hearted (and sometimes mean) opinions distracting or tilting your focus. Honestly, starting a project, you may not even know what to expect the work to look like until you finish. If you are like me then you will find that you are just mostly filled with all these little bits of ideas and thoughts about how to go about things like; placing this here or painting that in a particular colour. Ideas upon ideas keep piling up in your head waiting to bubble out and be tried.

You may just be quiet about things because you want to be able to make your mistakes privately and learn from them. This is the safety net that you find in the solitude of the privacy you avail yourself by being a bit hush hush… You raise your head from time to time when you need help or pointers.

Sometimes talking about a plan so much inscribes it on stone and you feel a bit embarrassed about changing all or part of the plan. You risk worrying about not being taken seriously. This impedes your creativity. Skills are honed after a lot of trials and failures. Something may seem like a perfect way to execute only to begin and the path it will lead to opens up.

It can be like a maze sometimes, until you actually start, you really are blind to all the potential twists and turns you are likely to encounter. Before the starting point, these twists and turns are all hazy ideas but as you begin and etch closer to various action points, their potentials become clearer and less hazy. This means some action points are subject to change where impractical.

In my case, I have tried and tested this many times and it has worked. I seem to thrive better in that solitude of silence. So when you find that I have accomplished a huge deal and feel left in the dark, please do not take it personal. It was not intentionally done to cause offence. It was done to give me a sense of direction. To remove the distraction caused by scrutiny. To reduce the distraction caused by worrying about bringing disappointment if it failed. Know that of every action I have accomplished, there may have been ten others that failed but the fact that you are still unaware of them means I can keep trying without feeling that I am a joker.

So today, it may be a good idea to communicate more with people who love you about why you choose to be private about certain issues. It can be annoying to feel left in the dark even when it is for a positive reason. I hope that by sharing this and knowing you are not alone in this regard and dispel the weight of criticism regarding your need for privacy. Everyone deserves to be able to keep things close to their chest if needed just as long as you also respect the privacy of others.

Thank you for reading.

Photo credit: Pixabay

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