I have had a few of my friends call to ask me what they are doing wrong to Mr Right because he has started to act up. He comes home tired and uninterested in them. I am not talking about the ones that come home very late in the night for no reason (that one is another matter!). I am rather referring to the Mr right that seem to have developed an aversion for you. He does not say he is uninterested but his body language hints otherwise. He says I love you so automatically that you wonder if he is just saying what you want to hear. You keep trying to get his attention but even when he gives it, you can tell that something is different.
The gospel truth? It may not be anything you did. He may be going through a rough patch, a tough time at work or anything else but your fault. However, before we even start pointing one finger at him as ladies, do not lose sight of the fact that the rest of your four fingers may be validly pointing back at you. I believe that you can allow problems walk majestically into your relationship as soon as you lose sight of the fact that before you became wife or baby mama (as some are now referred to on social media) to this guy, you were his girlfriend, his chikito or better still his babe! Do you honestly still feel like his babe now? Do you think that all these extra levels you have developed your relationship to should diminish the fact that you are firstly and most importantly his girlfriend?
The day you stopped seeing him as your boyfriend and feeling you were his mother, police and dictator was the day you crossed the line between marital bliss and perpetual sadness. Marriage is meant to and should only ever be a way to solidify and secure your relationship. I am not totally sure that it was intended to be the end of that special bond that you forged by having a relationship in the first place. You know that moment when one person asked, the other said yes and both fought tooth and nail to keep this relationship solid? Marriage is not meant to break that. Marriage is meant to transform you both into companions with a special bond (by the pre-existence of a relationship) not pull you apart. Do you remember the time of romance, butterflies, excitement, laughter, hot sex, experiments and pleasure between you both? If your marriage is not doing that, then join me as i take you through some simple steps you can take to get things right back on track.
Have control over your children: If you have children already you will agree with me that as soon as they start arriving things change. I always liken my kids to a rash. They come either in trickles or at once to take over your whole life. If you do not control them, their need for your attention will spread until they encroach every aspect of your life including your relationship with your man. It is important to set out a routine for them to adhere to. One of the most important ones is the bedtime routine. Yes, bedtime! You have to start from an early age to put them to bed early. If not you will never have time for yourself (which by the way includes your relationship!) If your kids sleep at say 11pm, when will you ever have time for your man? The kids always come first but don’t forget that your relationship was existing first before they came along. They have to exist alongside every aspect of your life not overshadow other areas. That will not be fair to them and to you. You also have to make sure that they have their own space. If you lose control over where they sleep (by letting them sleep in your bed) how are you both going to engage in some adult play? So you see why a good grasp on your kids is the key to a happier relationship
Start doing things together again: Doing things together is another important element that keeps your relationship flourishing. The pressures imposed on us by life mean that our relationships with our spouses tend to take the back seat. If you do not spend time together, you start to disconnect from each other. Can you remember how many activities you shared together as a couple when your courtship was in full swing? All those times helped create the bedrock for your relationship and ultimately, the marriage we are referring to here. I agree that it may be quite difficult to find time to go out now that the children are here. So by the time you put the kids to bed early for instance, you can watch a film together, have a meal together, snuggle up together (i did not say do anything else but at least enjoy the company of each other).
Try to relax and unwind: This is an important element disappearing from most relationships. When stress levels are high due to the demands of day to day living, it seems impossible to achieve any form of relaxation. Apart from the health benefits of relaxation, it impacts positively on our relationships. You can play a nice soft music to chill out. Wind yourself down by having a bath just before your man retires for the day. That way you are not only relaxed but also very inviting when the time for serious business arrives. The nice fresh fragrance from your body will be a good calming attraction for him. With a relaxed mind and body, you can help dissipate the stress levels and even conquer your nagging tendency when your partner arrives. It is quite difficult to lash out on a calm person and cause offense
Always create a conducive atmosphere: This is a very key factor that can help reduce the aggro in any home. Imagine coming home to an untidy house. It would feel chaotic and can set you off very easily. Whichever person available can do the honours of tidying up the home. If you keep your house organised, tidy and clean, it can also create calmness for everyone. We all know how kids can scatter the home in a minute. This is why it is essential to put them to bed early. It allows you a few hours of peace and ensures that you can have a few hours to tidy your home. It may be the only few hours of serenity you both look forward to before you retire for the day. You can even spend time together tidying up and creating the calm serene environment depending on work schedules.
Don’t be uptight: When you are both together, try to enjoy each other. Bring romance back. It will help keep things aflame. Invest in nice lounge wears that show off the assets you have. Remember what you were as his girlfriend. Stop over thinking this marriage. It is still the same old girl. Stop putting each other off by wearing some distasteful clothes around the house. Remember men are turned on by the things they see. You want to make sure you give him something nice to behold regularly. Show some flesh if you have to. Wear his shirt if you fancy or cosy up beside your man in your own nice comfortable pieces. Try to remember the things you both genuinely like and do them.
Invest in some underwear: When was the last time you bought yourself new underwear? The good news is that they do not even cost a fortune. You don’t even need to own too many, just some decent ones. As ladies, most of us tend not to see the point spending a bit extra on new underwear every once in a while, since no one else is watching. We think this way because our men do not complain. Well thank goodness for that! He loves you no matter what you wear. You just have to make an effort to keep him enthused. So what’s the point putting this off if it will spice things up? If you can afford some adventurous pieces of lingerie, then push the boat out. He will thank you for it.
Don’t be left behind : As a babe, you have to be on top of the latest trends that will keep your man excited. First, the key is to know your man. You alone can tell what the object of his fancy is. For some men it’s just a bit of flesh you need to show to fire them up. For others, it is costumes, role play and some even prefer sex toys. Don’t be scared to keep things exciting in the bedroom. Marriage does not mean boring. Look at it as having a license to enjoy each other to the fullest. The internet is full of ideas to keep things spicy.
Get fit if you have to : This seems like an unlikely problem with your relationship but it may well be. If you are like me, you will agree that since the kids came, you have become heavier in all the wrong places. There is no use fretting. Just find a fitness plan to suit you and start doing something about it. The reason is that by being fitter than you currently are, you will be able to achieve and maintain the prowess you had in the bedroom department. Past glory soon fades away and you don’t want to only have memories from ages past when you are still very alive to explore some more wonders together. As you may have noticed, bedroom antiques require a fair bit of energy. So don’t think you are past it. Age is really nothing but a number. If you get your mojo back, you will feel much better about yourself especially in this department. The plus side is that you will keep your man happy in the process.
This is by no means an exhaustive list of things to do to keep your man happy. It will definitely help steer your relationship away from the rocks. Just keep taking baby steps and you will surely get there. The good news is that you have taken the first step (which by the way is the hardest) by trying to find your way back to beginning.
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