I have personally come to the conclusion that some people are devoid of feelings. No matter how I constantly try to bear the pain they cause by making excuses for them in my head they prey on my forgiving nature. They take me for a ride and cause me emotional damage. Their hearts have developed hard shells pumping venoms instead of blood around their body. In the end they are transformed into a brick wall barricading any affection thrown towards them.
No matter how nice you are to these kinds of people, all they ever seem to do is throw all your kindness back at you. The sad thing is that most times, despite being aware of the possibility of being treated in this way, you still put yourself in the firing line. The advice from well-meaning friends and family incessantly fall on your deaf ears. The harsh reality is that you feel helpless to these weird sorts of friend(s) you keep. You really want to get their attention but they are not budging.
Today we will try to analyse some why that might be the case. Perhaps by seeing some of these reasons, we will be better equipped to reassess the course of action that will be best in dealing with such relationships. Here are six interesting reasons why they keep knocking you back :
- They are just mean: just so you know from the start, and stop beating yourself up about not getting the attention you deserve because they may just be mean. The same way you find yourself super nice is how they find themselves super mean. Yes like the devil’s incarnate kind of mean. They cannot just help themselves. It is in their DNA. You must accept that there are some people who have a directly opposite character to yours. It’s hard to believe but they too must be wondering how you can keep being so nice in spite of all they are throwing your way.
- They had a bad childhood: a childhood devoid of much love or expressions of love can leave a child with some deficits in the aspect of reciprocating love. It may leave them without the ability to properly express or show love (since they had no adult modelling such behaviour to them during childhood).Some are too scared to show love because they feel that any display of simple affection or appreciation may be a sign of weakness. As a result, they avoid informal interactions erecting emotional brick walls to put off people like you who come across to them as “nicey-nicey”.No one can claim to have a monopoly over bad childhood as no childhood is perfect. Certainly some childhoods were more desirable than others. That has not stopped people with less desirable childhood circumstances from turning out well with fairly acceptable social interaction skills to go with it.Even the so called fantastic picture perfect childhoods can be very overrated as they do not always produce the best adults too.I accept that what happens in our childhood plays a big role in shaping and moulding us. However, I also believe that at some point (as we become aware and can discern good and bad behaviour) we must take responsibility for our actions towards others especially when we become adults. By seeing the effect your actions have on other people, we can begin to find better ways to treat people. We can also learn more acceptable ways of interacting and making ourselves better people.
- They are just busy:It may be that you are choosing your moments badly. Ever heard of “bad timing”? You may be a victim. You need to learn to choose your moments better. Some people may not necessarily be mean. They may just be very busy or worse for you, very professional. You need to try not to be too informal at the wrong time. It may be that your nice gestures are always inappropriately timed rendering them ”awkward” and leading to definite rejection. Read the context. You also need to be considerate and “swap shoes” with this person. Perhaps you will have the same reaction to your kind gesture too if the tables were turned.
- They do not like you:As much as I hate to burst your bubble, this is a big possibility too. The person probably just does not like you. Let’s face It … we cannot be loved by everyone. Even Jesus was hated by the people he was only even nice to. He cured them of their diseases, fed them with manna and even raised some of them from the dead. What could have been better than that? It did not stop him being hated! So you see, it’s not an entirely alien possibility. Some people can just hate you for something or nothing. For even existing, they hate you. For getting promoted…hate! for breathing…beef! Others hate your guts, your face, your swag…. In fact the list is endless. So just accept it and move on because really, it’s no big deal.
- They are tired: This may be the reason why your niceness is being thrown back at you.. Luckily not everything is about you. They may just be genuinely tired. What they are tired of is another story but the good news is that it has nothing to do with what you have done or forgotten to do. They may be physically tired and stressed out. Perhaps you keep coming to them at the end of their day when they would rather relax before driving home. So although you may not have chosen a bad time, the stress levels leaves them indisposed to connecting with you. As a result, they may come across as very irritable, temperamental and impatient! You need to consider this option and stop beating yourself up. Tiredness can lead to high stress levels. Stress can make people behave in the oddest ways. It has been known to be one of the courses of overreaction. It will be a good idea to assess a person’s mood (If possible) before initiating interactions.Unfortunately, contrary to what you may think or wish to believe, kindness, niceness and so on do not always make everything alright. So they may not necessarily be tired of you but tired within.
- You are too over-the-top(OTT): This one is a hard fact to confront and even a harder fact to accept. If you notice that people constantly find you annoying, keep pushing you away and with their facial expressions and body language always leave a hint of “go away” when you approach them, then perhaps it’s time to look inwards at yours truly!You may be an OTT person in terms of niceness and kind gestures. You may be guilty of doing too much. As much as it is good to be nice, you want your outpouring of affection or gratitude to equate the event in question. You don’t want to be doing too much when all that is required is a little. Like everything else in life even niceness and kindness should be moderated. You must know where to draw the line especially in order to guard your feelings. It will help reduce the feeling of being taken for granted. You may be putting yourself in that position unfairly.
Now that we have gone through the possible reasons why you may be able getting constantly knocked back, I want you to please bear one thing in mind “the way anyone chooses to treat you when you are being nice to them is actually their own personal choice”. Try not to let it weigh you down. This is just one person and there are millions of people out there who will appreciate your beautiful personality.
The main problem is that like everyone else, you are guilty of wanting what you don’t have – we all are. This pursuit of the things you do not have is a good driving force when what you don’t have is a positive thing. However, when what you don’t have is the approval, acceptance or attention of someone who is not even bothered to notice or acknowledge your gestures of kindness then you need to have a re-think.
Persisting may lead to perpetual sadness depending on the specific reason for the persons’ dis-interest. It may be time to shake off and move on. Ironically not having your attention may be the shove they need to realise the importance of your absence. Your absence through the diversion of your attention to more important areas (that can reward you with positive feelings) may just be the ingredient required to make their hearts grow fonder. Trust me, people hardly know what is good for them until it’s gone!
Thanks for your time!
Photo credit: Pixabay
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