Daily Archives: October 20, 2017

Do you know what I did for a few weeks during my son’s hospitalisation? I went home! Having been hospitalised for 5 months at the time without any hope of  discharge, I had to swallow the bitter pill of detachment. I began the transition a few weeks earlier by letting the nurses assist with some of the tasks that I alone performed for him. He did not take to them at first but he soon relaxed when he realised that I was not budging. It proved that bath time could still be fun even when anchored by someone else. I knew deep down that I needed a break. I had to spend some time with the rest of my family too. While at home, I kept wondering how my child was in the hospital. I must have called a million times on my first day away from him and each time, I got told that he was fine. At times when it was impossible to get through to the hospital,  I felt emotionally and psychologically helpless. While at home, I was floating about, not able to actually enjoy my supposed break or even relax.This was my story for the past few days. What kept me going was family. The warmth of being around them. I went on to spend time with them and even allowed myself enjoy that time out. I was happy. We had laughter and of course the odd disagreements. It was fun fun fun! At the end of my break, the time came for me to return back to my duty post beside my sick child in the hospital and did I crumble inside? Of course I did. Don’t get the wrong idea, I love being with my child here in the hospital during his long admissions. On this occasion however,  I think I got too cosy at home and remembered the comfort of lying in my bed and just being at home. It hurt! You see, when you have a sick child and find yourself hospitalised for a long time, initially you struggle to adapt to being restricted to the hospital. However soon enough you adjust and become completely used to the routine. You become hospitaley. It works well for you when you are the parent in the hospital. You adapt to the monotony and sluggishness of time. You start making new connections with staff (to guarantee the consistency of care your child receives) and other parents (to maintain your sanity and give you a break from your thoughts, endless games of candy crush or just boredom!). Going back and forth from home to hospital can sometimes be inevitable especially when you have other children to look after. However it doesn’t make it easier for you as the carer – just wrecks havoc to your otherwise perfect adaptation strategy.  Silly right? It is quite normal to nurse many hospital frustrations and crave home. You may even find that you keep these feelings secret because they sometimes leave you upset with yourself for being selfish. The good news is that you are not alone in experiencing these feelings. Now listen to this there’s more! When you get discharged home with your child, you may find that you walk right into another set of emotions. Every time your child as much as coughs especially in the first few days post discharge, you may see that you begin to feel very terrified by the thought that your child will end up back in hospital. This feeling may petrify you (if you are already cosying up to being at home), or annoy you (if you begin to wonder why your child cannot just be stable? Surely that’s not too much to ask!). As you begin to adapt to home life, the stress starts again to build up with endless things to do and no time to rest! The key to surviving all these emotions that we beset us as parent carers is to stay calm and accept that the ill health of our children are way beyond our control. There is no need letting it make us too sad because it will not really change anything. Some parents have expressed feelings of resentment towards the sickness plaguing their children and this too is quite normal as long as we do not dwell on those thoughts for too long. So you think it, you discard it so that you can move on to the next thing which is survival. All these feelings do not make us as carers wicked or bad. They make us human, tired and most times, exhausted. What we all need from time to time is rest . We get offered help as carers from family, friends, community health teams, social workers and so on. What we have to learn to do is to take as much help as is being offered to us by way of support. Sometimes, we turn down help because help can be feel intrusive even though this is hardly the intention when it is offered. Accepting help can make us worry about our homes being turned into hospitals with healthcare practitioners streaming in and out. I worry about that too. However ,in my experience, it is best not to turn down well meaning help so that when things get too stressful for us, we can always be guaranteed of some respite. This is because, such help although annoying may be the only opportunity for us to relax sometimes as carers. I will tell you some of the reasons why you cannot really go wrong accepting help and support It helps your child learn to allow others help: Reaching out for help and accepting help when it is offered are the elements that can help you survive your journey as a parent carer. The saying that no man is an island becomes even more apparent when you care for a sick child. When you nurse your child, you know how delicate they can be emotionally. Many carers know how difficult it is for sick children to adjust to […]

Hospital life : Why you need help and support.