Daily Archives: July 21, 2017


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Relationships Relationships! A lot has been said about how to keep your relationship flourishing, thriving and growing. There are tons of books about this. I find many to be very true with tips and tricks to revamp even some of the most written off relationships. However, I cannot help feeling that they are not in touch with my reality. You see, there are relationships like mine that start to feel cursed because of an un-foreseen external factor- having a sick child. At the early stage of a relationship, that lovey-dovey-you-can-do-no-wrong phase no one sees it coming. Two people come together, feel strongly enough about each other and then commit to share themselves entirely with each other. That decision forms the basis for what later becomes a magnetic union… a fusion… where children are supposed to spice things up! Well, not for everyone sadly. How about when having a child feels like the worst decision ever. A completely wrong move for you and for your partner. How can your relationship still go on to stand the test of time despite all the new challenges you both become beset with  and I forgot to add for no fault of yours…? Let’s insert a disclaimer here for the purpose of clarity. When I refer to relationships throughout this our heart to heart, I do not in any way imply that the two people must be married (although my religious beliefs may scream). I refer to relationships in both the rigid and loose sense of the word. Let’s just agree to see the relationships I am referring to as the coming together of two like minds hopefully for the long haul. Right? Good, now lets kindly jump right in! So how can your relationship thrive despite the challenges you face as a carer? How can you both still look at each other and still feel lovey-dovey?  Here are some ideas that I have found useful: Expressing yourself – This is a key ingredient that can keep your relationship  thriving. By expressing yourself in your relationship, you  overcome the trap of bottling things up. When a barrier exists between you and your partner, you will be unable to constantly share your problems with each other. The reason it is important to be able to rub you minds together as often as possible is that, ultimately, no one else can understand the gravity of your circumstance more than your partner. Take time to listen to each other. Within your relationship is an interesting symbiosis that holds strengths within it. Sometimes one person is strong for the other. But like a race, you ultimately keep passing this baton of strength to each other. Let pride have no place between you both or else the flow of strength will be limited. If one person is constantly strong and never allows the other to help them when they are weak then the pressure starts to  build up. For the stronger, the inability to keep expressing themselves  hinders self-release. It ultimately leads to frustration, lashing out and undue pressure. Similarly when the other person keeps leaning on the stronger one without getting a grip especially when it matters, they become weakened by the situation thereby losing the ability to be strong. By supporting your partner, even when you cannot feel it, you assume the strength that they lose when they are weak. You each then by that act allow each other to be toughened and strengthened by the situation and challenges you face. It is okay to cry. I cry, it is a nice release if used appropriately. However, like all in life, it requires moderation as crying constantly may trigger self-pity and at times build up stress. Sharing the pain – The challenge of having an ill child is easiest when shared. No member of your partnership must assume monopoly of the child. Mums tend to be guilty of this. They feel that they are the ones best suited to care for the sick child. This may hold true initially especially when the illness is short-term. For example the odd flu or immunisation temperature, the periodic flu and so on. However, when the illness is long-term both of you need to consider a readjustment. Sometimes illnesses stay longer than we think and if they are lifelong, then like with everything else you have to adapt the new routines to suit the family needs.  For starters, the child belongs to you both. It does not matter if both of you are biological parents or not. What matters is that you have both agreed to share responsibility. Let this  responsibility not be shared by mere lip service. Put it into action. Allow your other half to care for the child. If they cannot, help them to learn kindly. If you are learning, be willing to learn. Remember that a problem shared is halved. It is also good for the child to feel the attention from both parents. In addition, especially for parents with other kids, this swapping becomes very useful for the other kid(s). Remember like we said earlier, if you take on too much then the pressure builds up. How can your partner appreciate the challenges you face caring for the child if you do the caring all by yourself. It will be easier for them to appreciate your efforts by experiencing them firsthand.  If your partner is not helping out, encourage them to see that it is actually the responsibility of each parent in the relationship. Create time for each other – This is a very crucial factor. In fact it should be key. In the first place, you are both the bedrocks… the founders of your family. To ignore each other will be as good as switching off the oxygen in the relationship. You both matter. The parental challenges imposed on the relationship due to illness can put a strain on the romance once shared by you both. It is important to put the needs of the children first but do not forget […]

Hospital Life- Relationships


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I saw something of my attention today. It was called the 6 C’s of nursing. I was very curious as I saw it conspicuously posted on the noticeboard in the hospital. 6C’s? I thought. A further look reviewed the wheel where each of the C’s were outlined. They were, care, compassion, communication, competence, courage and commitment. It makes sense that these C’s appeared to be the main things nursing was supposed to deliver. I furrowed my brows as I walked away giving each item further thought. I immediately embarked on an unintentional mental assessment of the standard of nursing that I had been exposed to since my son was born. As a team, hospitals dwindle around the standards they are able to deliver from time to time. For example on the weekends hospitals become like ghost zones lacking staff and standards. Facilities are not as looked after as they are during the week. Medical staff are not enough during the weekends. You rather find that weekends are covered by a few familiar staff, predominantly “locums” and  “bank staff”. To me these are mainly roving staff who otherwise have no way of appreciating the delicateness of some patients. Many have no way of knowing the promptness individually required to care appropriately for each patient. In this case not because they lack the skill or competence to do so, but because they have no prior knowledge of the patient as a result of their roving nature. The essential knowledge that familiar staff possess about the delicate patients is taken for granted by the recruiters of these roving staff. It should a prerequisite for caring for people with life-threatening diseases. Notwithstanding, we would never survive without the input of these roving “bank staff and locums” because they not only make up for the ever dwindling workforce on the weekends but stand in when staff go on holiday. Support from the weekday staff may help bridge this knowledge gap if their presence on the weekends can become more proportionate. With that said, sadly even the familiar weekday staff fall short of these 6C standards. Unfortunately not all familiar staff meet these standard 6C’s. The nurses to me should be an embodiment of the 6C’s of true nursing. Here is my layman understanding of what the 6C’s on that wheel should mean. Hopefully I will not be far from the truth but somehow pondering their deeper meanings may help put my thoughts in perspective about the state of nursing in general. Caring for the patients means that nurses should be interested in their patients. This will help them to know and care for them adequately. This level of care proposed by the existence of the 6C’s helps nurses bond with their patients enabling them tailor the care to suit each patient. Compassion to me is another essential ingredient of nursing. A heartless person without any human feeling or sympathy has no business nursing people back to health. Communication as a requirement is quite straightforward. Nurses must be able to understand or find ways to understand the needs of the patients. They in turn must be able to explain clearly their plans to their patients or the carers. Communication also entails understanding clear plans handed down by doctors and carrying them out carefully and accordingly. Nursing will certainly be brought to a halt if this element is missing. Competence is a prerequisite of nursing. A nurse cannot be a nurse until proper schooling and acquisition of the skills required for nursing has taken place. Personally, nursing as an institution has this responsibility to the public. They ensure that the nurses in hospitals are competent before permitting them to practice. I have noticed that further training of students are carried out through hospital placements. When new nurses are licensed, they still undergo further training on the job and are initially paired up with more experienced colleagues before getting signed off for things like medicine administration, cannula handling, using of equipment and so on. This ensures that competence is not only acquired but supported. Courage is another essential element. Nurses have to undergo many scenarios on a daily basis. Some are easier than others. From wound dressings, to highly pressured resuscitation scenarios. Nurses confront humans in their most vulnerable forms for example accident victims, mental health and even death. To expect a nurse to be courageous is an understatement. Courage is the element I think that gives nurses the strength to confront the various challenges that the nursing role throws at them on a daily basis. Commitment was the last element of nursing on that poster. It means that the staff who call themselves nurses must be willing to uphold all their standards of nursing every single time both in and out of the hospital. For example you expect a nurse to be a nurse at all times. You expect that they will show care, compassion, communication competence and courage whether they are in the hospital, on the street or train. There will be committed to saving human lives and fostering public health everywhere possible. As such, nursing is an extremely demanding job both physically and psychologically. However, as with every job done daily, over time, many nurses master these skills until they become second nature. Having been through many scenarios of care delivery, I find some nurses become either “more nursey” or “totally un-nursey”. I appreciate that these are not really words but I am sure you get the point. In my personal experience, some nurses take ownership of the job. The skills and experience acquired over time make them not only excellent nurses but transform them into extremely humane individuals. For these category of nurses, when you’re in their care you can feel at home. They become the embodiment of the 6C’s of nursing. On the flip-side, the other group of nurses allow their experience of nursing turn them into ogres without any human feelings. They become like ice, disregarding every single element of their 6C’s of […]

Hospital life : The 6C’s of nursing